ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
