Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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