we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
