That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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