One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
