i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need a beard to bite.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
