Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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