he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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