I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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