just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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