i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
