Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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