So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
