that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
