all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
