great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
