direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
