perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
