you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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