Are we in a gay sports bar?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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