i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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