You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
