I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
