Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??