I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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