Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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