I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
