6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just high enough for therapy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
