Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
