I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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