Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
