Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
