wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
