i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
