Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
