I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
