I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
