So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
