this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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