I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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