Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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