did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
