Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
