I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
