Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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