A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
