I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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