thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
