i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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