Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
