just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
