Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
