Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
