so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
