We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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