it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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