I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
