Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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