haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
