was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
