i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
